just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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