she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize