I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
