I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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