the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
