I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm too high and old for this...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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