final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
