i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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