Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
