You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Boobs speak an international language.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
