just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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