Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize