Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well I can't set my house on fire every night
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
