she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Two words: nipple clamps
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