Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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