awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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