Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
