well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
