No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
