Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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