im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Randomize
