The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize