Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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