so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
