Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
