Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
