I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize