I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
