my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
