How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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