Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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