If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
