Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize