I hate your face
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
