I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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