I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
