im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
