you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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