He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
