hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
