I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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