I want to have your abortion
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
