I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Everyone says I win the strip club
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
