Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
