From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
