Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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