So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
