yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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