u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
