We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
