ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
