I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you never un-have a 4some
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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