just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Of course I have a pirate flag
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
