I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
