Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
