I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
