Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
