Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
