3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How external is "for external use only"?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So vagazzling was a success
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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