It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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