i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
