you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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