Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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