I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
