part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
