is wine microwaveable?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
