tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
