Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
