i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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